This is my raw, unfiltered journey of reclaiming my identity and seizing the opportunity of a lifetime.
A leap of faith, or four, if you will.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re drowning under the weight of life’s responsibilities, you’ll feel something reading my words. And if this is true for you, I hope that you, too, find your light and fight for it. But for now, I’m gonna spill the tea on how I went from feeling utterly broken to feeling genuinely beautiful.

Are you already asking yourself, “How does this story end?”

Spoiler alert: I’m currently strutting around my dream house, wearing gorgeous red stilettos. I’ve reclaimed my life, although I still have to fight daily for it. I have become the fierce girl boss I was always meant to be. I’m doing all this while being a full-time caregiver to my disabled son and a mama to four amazing humans!

Feeling Invisible: The Weight of Being a Full-Time Caregiver

“Every day felt like a Groundhog Day from hell, and I felt myself fading into darkness more and more each minute that passed.” – Bri Alli

Let’s be real. My world revolves entirely around caring for my son, who has three diagnoses. My sweet boy requires eyes on him 24/7, constant attention and help to LIVE his life. Don’t get me wrong—I love him more than words can express. But somewhere between the doctor’s appointments, therapies, sensory meltdowns and sleepless nights, I lost me. I felt broken, invisible, and utterly depleted…all of the damn time.

Every day felt like a Groundhog Day from hell, and I felt myself fading into darkness more and more each minute that passed. The hardship was heavier than anything I’d ever felt or experienced in my life up to this point. I wasn’t just putting myself dead last; I wasn’t taking care of myself at all.

Reflection in the Mirror: Who The Fuck Is That?

Let me share a moment that was supposed to be pure magic—a core memory in the making. July 7, 2018. I took my only daughter to her first ever music concert to celebrate her 9th birthday: Taylor Swift. It was my first real event outside the comfort of my home in years. But instead of excitement, I felt awful.

None of my clothes fit. I stood in front of the mirror, riddled with anxiety, not even recognizing the woman staring back at me. Who was she? Where did I go? The vibrant, confident woman I used to be had vanished. I had become a prisoner, trapped inside the all-encompassing role of 24/7 caregiver and mommy to four beautiful little humans.

As we sat in the Ohio State football stadium—The Shoe—the heat was relentless. I was incredibly uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally. I wanted to fully immerse myself in this beautiful moment with my best girl; soak up every note and every lyric.

But I couldn’t shake the harsh reality that hit me: I was gone. But as always, I plastered a smile on my face, hiding my extreme sadness from my sweet girl and forced everything I was feeling into an invisible brown box – a box that holds a lot of childhood trauma, the death of my mother and now my innermost feelings of despair and hopelessness.

This ended up being the very first time that I played pretend as an adult. I pretended I was okay that I wasn’t anxious. That I wasn’t a lost soul in order to be present in this beautiful happening. I sang at the top of my lungs with her, despite the band of my (maternity) jeans digging into my stomach. I smiled and cheered with genuine excitement, while also feeling empty inside.

Watching her eyes light up with pure joy brought me joy. But deep down, reality had fully hit me hard, a punch in the face; I was so very broken. The woman who loved adventure, who embraced life with open arms—she was missing.

That day was a wake-up call. Sitting there, surrounded by thousands of fans singing their hearts out, next to my only baby girl who was having the time of her life (the keepsake videos I have are fucking adorable by the way), I realized I needed to find my way back to me. Not just for myself, but for my children. I wanted to be present, to create memories without this heavy dark cloud hanging over my head and filling up my heart.

Acknowledging that I felt lost was the first step in reclaiming my identity. The second? Finding my light.

Flicker of Hope: Rediscovering My Inner Light Still Existed

Fast forward 11 months. June 2019. Amidst the exhaustion and emotional turmoil, a tiny spark within me refused to die out. It was a small light—barely there—but it whispered that I was meant for more. This light mostly showed up when I was talking to my Indiana bestie Ashleigh, helping her with her businesses. Those conversations hurt sometimes because I wasn’t creating myself and felt really sad about that fact. But those conversations saved me from being swallowed whole by the dark cloud of despair and they gave me hope.

Ashleigh was also my biggest supporter and the best friend. She mentioned me during a conversation she had with her professional project rep- saying that I did absolutely everything and gave the rep my number.

A couple days later, the opportunity of a lifetime was presented to me. Erin, the rep from a well-known luxury baby brand, was interested in my Jane-of-all-trades talents. And when she caught wind of my magazine, even though at the time I had been completely offline and the magazine paused FOR THREE YEARS, she gave me an audition. Suddenly I wanted to fight; to get back to being a multi-passionate artist. To LIVE some sort of real life. I wanted to feel like myself once more.

I HAD FOUND MY LIGHT.

Knowing I couldn’t continue down this path of self-neglect. It was time to reclaim my identity and embrace the woman I was always meant to be. This was my very first leap of faith, believing wholeheartedly in myself. I said yes to that audition, which led to a whirlwind 3 months of travel, creativity to the MAX, a 5 figure pay day plus comped travel and a magazine issue that I now refer to as the most beautiful record of Bri Alli’s greatest hits.

Clawing My Way Back: The Journey to Self-Rediscovery

Traveling from one side of the United States to the other, plus collaborating with other brands, businesses, incredible creators and talented artists helped me feel ALIVE! In fact, I have goosebumps all over my entire body as I share this story with you. It was incredible.

Side note: I honestly have no idea how I actually pulled it all off, but I did. MAGIC. Yep. It was magic.

As the plane carried me home from Moses Lake, Washington, a familiar sensation stirred within—I was dreaming again. I craved this rush of excitement, wanting to feel it over and over. The gratitude and the profound validation from having my talent recognized in such a big way, with lots of cash to go along with it, was something I never wanted to see fade.

It was then that I promised myself to begin carving out intentional time in my day to day, just for me—precious snippets of time to breathe and reconnect with all of my passions. To feel alive.

I took my second leap of faith this day (could I really, actually, care for myself AND my babies?). I started journaling, joined a gym, and gave Stylish Milk a full rebrand to support the new direction I was taking it. The final to do? Reaching out to all my old friends, reigniting connections that made me smile.

It wasn’t easy. There were setbacks and days when the weight of everything threatened to pull me under again. But each small victory fanned that tiny spark into a roaring fire!

Key Steps I Took:

• Self-Care Rituals: Even simple acts like enjoying a hot cup of coffee uninterrupted made a difference.
• Setting Boundaries: Learning to say “no” when I was stretched too thin.
• Seeking Support: Leaning on friends and family who uplifted me.
• Routine Gym Time: Exercise was the BEST stress-relief. Seeing my body change was also rewarding.
• Travel More: Giving myself more real breaks from the hardship.

Back to Square One: Instant Heartbreak

Everything I’d built came crashing down when COVID hit, leaving me amidst the ruins of what could have been the best chapters of my life beyond being a mommy and full-time caregiver to my disabled son. I lost a $65k verbal contract to create more magazine issues. There were some financial hardships – having a disabled child is very expensive. There was just a bunch of freakin’ stuff, okay?!

To top it off, I gained back all the weight I’d lost—plus some. I kept that little light inside me in my mind, even though it was barely glowing again. I knew it was still there inside of me and I kept wondering how bright it could actually get if I just kept going. It took me well over a year, but I pushed myself forward.

Suddenly the thought of a move to the country would be exactly what I needed to get back on track. Fresh air, open spaces, privacy, a place my four children could thrive…a new beginning. So I took my 3rd leap of faith and bought a cute little cape cod on an acre of land with just two neighbors. But that hope was immediately shut down by the old lady neighbor from hell. Talk about throwing a wrench into my plans! I truly kept asking the universe WHYYYYYYYYY?!

This leap of faith wasn’t working out in my favor. Damnit.

The three years I lived in that house were supposed to be amazing—a sanctuary where I could heal and rediscover myself. And sure, there were some incredible moments sprinkled in. But mostly, it was a period filled with even more heartache and the most traumatic events I’ve ever faced with my disabled son. Those years turned out to be some of the worst of my life. A real NIGHTMARE that I was actually living and barely surviving.

Still, I refused to let my spirit fade away. I got back to being an artist by starting a food blog and a silent vlog on YouTube (I really loved these projects by the way). Kept being a private business coach and kept building custom websites for my clients. Girl, I even started exercising regularly again. I thought maybe—just maybe—I was turning a corner. But then hardship and stress hit me again and again and again.

Rinse and fucking REPEAT.

Just when I felt like all hope was lost and that my light would fade completely, a maybe miracle stood before me. I grabbed it with both hands, my entire heart and soul and took the ULTIMATE (and third) completely blind leap of faith…

The Ultimate Blind Leap of Faith: Renovating My Way Back Home

Let me tell you about a moment when the universe threw me a lifeline—a maybe miracle that appeared when I least expected it. I was still reeling from the heartbreak and exhaustion of the past handful of years when an opportunity presented itself: buying my dream home back in my hometown.

It was a blind leap of faith because there were so many things that were not in my control and it required multiple miracles to happen, in order to pull this crazy off. Buying my dream home, renovating my current house for market, actually selling it, getting financing for a historic home that needed love and closing on BOTH properties? Damn this didn’t seem feasible, right?

But something inside me whispered that this was my chance to turn things around. So, I did something a little crazy—I decided to teach myself power tools and with a little help, I renovated that 1,780 sq ft country house in just 6 weeks and 3 days. Yep, you read that right. Me, a couple extra hands here and there, some power tools, and a ticking clock.

I poured every bit of myself into that renovation—heart, soul, and sheer grit. Late nights blurred into early mornings, with paint splattered in my hair and more smashed fingers than I’d like to admit. But with every nail I hammered and each wall I painted, I felt pieces of myself slowly coming back. This wasn’t just about fixing up a house; I was literally fighting for my life, my kids’ lives, and our future. I was in full-on fight mode.

When the house was finally ready, I put it on the market right on time. My heart was pounding, fingers crossed, desperately hoping it would sell quickly. I needed it to sell, so I could finance the move to that 113-plus-year-old Queen Anne Victorian that had completely captured my heart.

This wasn’t just any house; it was a symbol of hope—a beacon promising an easier, better life for my babies and me. It was my DREAM HOUSE.

The idea of moving back to my hometown filled me with so much joy. I’d be closer to my daddy and family, surrounded by the familiar sights and sounds that felt like home. The thought of my kids growing up where I did, in a dream house no less, was almost too good to be true.

As I stood in front of that Victorian beauty, keys in hand, I couldn’t help but think, Could things be turning around for me finally?! It felt like the universe was finally answering my calls, aligning the stars in my favor. This house wasn’t just a solid-built structure of gorgeous wood and vintage nails; it was a fresh start, a new chapter brimming with possibilities.

This final leap of faith was worth ALL the hardship in the life chapters that came before it.

But let’s be real—taking this very scary leap of faith wasn’t without sacrifice or fear. There were nights I lay awake, questioning my sanity, wondering if I was setting myself up for another fall. Yet, every morning, I’d wake up, look at my kids’ faces, and remember exactly why I was doing this.

This was for us. For the life I wanted to build, the dreams I refused to let die. It was time to embrace the hope that things could be different, that after all the storms, perhaps a rainbow was finally appearing. If you’ve ever hesitated to take that leap, to chase that wild dream—consider this your sign to go for it.

Because sometimes, darling, a blind leap of faith is exactly what you need to find your strength and step into your light.

Stepping Into My Light: My New Chapter of Self Love and Self Care Through Self Portraiture

You know about my broken. Now it’s time to learn about the beautiful. Definitely read this story next: From Broken To Beautiful: How Self Portraiture Healed Me

Embracing My Power: Launching BBA HAUS

Fast forward to now; I’m not just surviving—I’m thriving.

Once I started feeling better and had completely re-defined my life goals, I knew I had to take my final leap of faith towards what I really wanted the most: to launch my DREAM business in order to fund these huge life goals.

So I founded BBA HAUS, a creative agency serving social sellers, content creators and female-led brands of all sizes + types. And let me tell you, it’s fucking FIRE. The magazine; The FREE Email Courses; The AMAZING Community of money-makin’ boss babes; The no fluff, no bullshit, 100% customizable SIGNATURE One Page Website Templates? Whew. Girl. I am in LOVE!

This brand is everything I’ve ever dreamed of and have worked 15 very long years for— It’s a BEAUTIFUL platform where I can connect with incredible women like you on a deeper level and keep having real, raw uplifting and inspiring conversations.

Creating BBA HAUS was like piecing together fragments of myself that I’d forgotten existed. It’s more than a business; More than a badass brand; it’s a total movement that is a literal representation of my heart and soul. It’s a space where together, we can be unapologetically ourselves and empower each other to reach new heights!

For Every Woman Feeling Lost: You’re Not Alone

I mentioned at the very beginning that you might feel something reading my story. If you’re nodding your head yes right now, feeling that pang of recognition, please know that you’re not alone. I’ve walked that path of feeling broken and invisible. But here’s the thing—you have a light inside you, too. And it’s waiting to shine brighter than ever. Those big dreams of yours might have to look a little different, but you can still see them come true. I believe in you!

Please…

• Don’t Give Up: No matter how tough it gets, remember that you’re stronger than you know.
• Fight for Yourself: Prioritize your well-being; you can’t pour from an empty cup.
• Embrace Your Journey: Every step, even the stumbling ones, are part of your unique story.

The Road Ahead: Unstoppable Together

My bestie and business partner, Chelsea, and I have BIG plans for BBA HAUS. We’re on a mission to inspire, empower, and uplift women everywhere. And we can’t do it without you. Share our magazine, website templates, always free email courses and social accounts with your favorite girl-boss and social media creator friends. We would appreciate it SO much!

With all my love, Bri Alli

P.S. Let’s keep this conversation going. Share your stories, your struggles, and your victories. Let’s build a community where every woman feels seen, heard, and unstoppable!