You read about my broken. Now let’s do a deep dive into From Broken to Beautiful: How Self Portraiture Healed Me. This is my raw, unfiltered journey of reclaiming my identity.

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Yo-Yo Dieting and the Wild Ride of Shedding Pounds

Girl, let’s get real about my weight loss journey—it’s been one wild rollercoaster ride these past 16 years. I’ve jumped on more specific eating plans than I can count, riding the high of shedding pounds only to crash down when my progress vanishes with minimal effort. Each cycle left me feeling more drained than the last and totally disheartened. And don’t even get me started on the constant stress and sleepless nights from being a full-time caregiver to my son, who needs me 24/7. It’s been a brutal hustle, but hey, I’m still standing, right?

Stress and Sleepless Nights

September 2019 – the year I finally started fighting for myself. I quickly realized that balancing the nonstop demands of caregiving for my little one with three diagnoses on top of being a present (and super patient) mama to all four of my adorable babies was straight-up exhausting. Trying to squeeze in self love and self care? Forget about it.

The lack of sleep was totally out of my control, and the relentless stress made sticking to any weight loss plan nearly impossible. I mean, I was barely eating or drinking water, too. Caffeine only, all day every day. Talk about unhealthy!

I felt trapped in an endless loop, like I couldn’t break free or truly move ahead. I was a hot mess, but I kept pushing through, one exhausting groundhog day at a time.

Moving Into My Dream House: A Glimmer of Hope?

September 2023 – That time I took my ultimate leap of faith and bought my dream house back in my hometown. It was supposed to be a fresh start—a place where things would get easier and I could finally breathe again. But guess what? Reality hit me like a ton of bricks and I still felt dead inside. The weight of my responsibilities and losing my identity as a woman (not mother and not caregiver) brought me back to feeling like an empty shell of a person. Except worse; I was completely immersed into the darkness.

The Illusion of an Easier Life

I thought moving into this dream house would reignite that spark of hope I’d found a few years back and make everything better. Instead, it was just a painful reminder of how much I felt lost. This house was everything I had ever wanted for my kids and me, but my soul felt like a dark cloud had moved in permanently, and it wasn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.

Honestly, the me I used to know was completely gone. Missing. Hurry, someone make a MISSING ad and print it on the side of a cardboard milk carton.

Facing that harsh reality was brutal, but I knew it was time to do something about it. It was time to make some big, scary changes. Time to get real honest with myself. It was time to start fighting for my life.

Turning to My Camera: Finding Therapy in Self Portraiture

“I began to recognize the fierce, beautiful woman I always was but had never truly met before.” – Bri Alli

Desperate for a way to reconnect with myself, I turned to something I hadn’t fully explored before — self portraiture. Picking up my FujiFilm Camera & camera lenses at the time just felt like a natural thing to do. I’ve been a photographer for well over a decade and holding it is one of my favorite things in the world. However, and let’s just throw this out there right now, me facing the lens instead of standing behind it, was beyond terrifying. It was crazy difficult to be vulnerable, to expose the broken pieces of myself in such a visual way and it was difficult to actually look at ME through my own viewpoint.

But something inside me knew that this was the path to healing my brokenness.

Facing My Reflection

Every click of the shutter forced me to confront my emotions, my struggles, and my deepest fears. It wasn’t just about taking pictures; it was about documenting my journey from darkness to light. Each self-portrait became a step towards reclaiming my identity and embracing my inner beauty.

Every click of the shutter was one step closer to genuinely loving myself for who I was in that moment of my life. Allowing myself to truly SEE me, and allowing myself to recognize a broken woman who deserved more. Finding a way to give myself the grace and the space in order to learn how to love her just as she was in that moment; In that portrait. And finally, accepting my truth and owning that truth.

Damn! Powerful stuff right there!

This was THE personal project of a lifetime and no matter how uncomfortable I was, I promised myself I’d take the damn photo and I’d share it out loud, to hold myself accountable. I wouldn’t give a shit what anyone else thought…I was doing this for me. I was doing this to save my life.

The Therapeutic Magic of Self Portraiture

As I immersed myself in self-portraiture, something magical happened. The process of creating these images became a form of therapy. I began to see myself not as a broken girl, but as a resilient woman with incredible strength, almost unlimited patience and undeniable inner beauty. The camera became my best friend in a way, helping me to capture moments of vulnerability and capture honest moments of my journey, that I wanted to remember forever.

From Broken To Beautiful

Through self-portraiture, I started to heal. Each photo was a visual, tangible, representation of my transformation. I shed not just the physical weight, but the emotional baggage that had been holding me back for far too long. I began to recognize the fierce, beautiful woman I always was but had never truly met before.

Stepping Into My Light: My 1st Chapter of Self Love and Self Care Through Self Portraiture

Now you know about my beautiful. Did you read about my broken yet?
From BROKEN To Beautiful; A Leap Of Faith

Unleashing My Inner Powerhouse

Self-portraiture didn’t just heal me—it empowered me. Despite the hardships and the heaviness of the weight I carry with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, along with the literal sleepless nights, I learned that I was capable of so much more than I had ever given myself credit for. I embraced my inner powerhouse, stepping into my girl boss stilettos with confidence and pride. I’m strong and I’m fucking unstoppable.

A New Beginning

Now, I stand with confidence in my dream house, not just as a caregiver and a mama, but as a strong, passionate woman who has (almost) reclaimed her life. There’s still work to do, over here! Self portraiture was the key that unlocked my path to healing, allowing me to transform from broken to beautiful. And I’m excited to give this personal, very important project of mine a little more intentional time and effort as I strut into this new year.

The Road Ahead: What’s Next

With the launch of BBA HAUS to the public in October 2024, I’ve had to reprioritize and reorganize all the things. Life is still not easy for me. I’m facing hardships daily, so very many challenges and so very many other things that are private battles. But I want to keep working on my health, my happiness, my inner peace, my business and creating a real life outside of the hardship. These things are making me THE BEST mommy and caregiver to my children. Their mommy is finding her way back to feeling more joyful than stressed; More confident than defeated. Their mommy is (almost) actually happy.

This will be my most intentional year yet! And I’ll be sharing how year two went, for the 13th issue in Volume Two of BBA HAUS Magazine (this time next year). Want to follow along in real time? Find me here.

The Most Surprising Part of This Past Year

My daughter has her eyes on me! The most surprising part of this past year was seeing how much taking care of myself affected her. She now knows what a strong, powerful, unstoppable, passionate woman looks like. We have intimate, deep, honest conversations about EVERYTHING. We have become the best of friends. My hope is that she carries my very important transformation with her always, knowing she too is amazing and she too, can do anything and everything she ever wants.

As for my three sons, they have watched their mom change right before their very eyes. They see a determined woman who loves fiercely and without apology. Through their beautiful little eyes, they see someone who doesn’t shed tears every day anymore but is literally working her ass off to transform her life and theirs. And honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing.

A new year? Chapter? Opportunity? Fuck YES! Let’s do this…together! Join me, girl!!!

Follow my self portraiture project in real time here: @girl__planted

Declare Your Goals. Share Your Story!

Want to join me for a year of self love, self care and self empowerment? And have you ever tried turning to art or another form of self-expression to heal? Declare your goals and/or share your experiences in the comments below. Let’s inspire and support each other on our journeys to discovering the beautiful, empowered women we have been all along. It’s time to celebrate YOU, my friend.

With all my love, Bri Alli